Don't ask me why
But I was walking down the streets
Of Fairfax, California
And I saw this flyer hangin'
On a telephone pole, and it said
CAN GOD FILL TEETH?

For a $10 "donation"
You could see silver fillings turn
To gold and other "supernormal dental happenings."
New caps! Filled cavities! Bring a
Flashlight and a mirror and observe

But wait a minute
Didn't I just read
About how the cops are getting parents
To plant bugging devices
In their kids' teeth
So if they disappear they can track 'em
Before they wind up on the backs of milk cartons
And all that

And didn't I read
That these devices can go two-way
And everything that I do or say
Is all goin' on tape somewhere right now
Planted in my cavities
And they didn't even tell me
no wonder every bad thing
In and out of my mouth
Keeps winding up on my employment record

All those fillings
All those crowns
I'll show them
Who's the boss of my big mouth

Where's the pliars
God dammit! Where's the pliars?!?
Wilma! Where'd you put my electric drill
This is all coming out now-TODAY!

CHORUS
Agh! Agh! Agh!
Agh! Agh! Agh!
Agh! Agh! Agh!

Must be some kind of conspiracy
The whole world's a God damn conspiracy
Look anywhere long enough, you're gonna find a conspiracy
Man, LIFE is a conspiracy!

CHORUS

Needlenose
Up my nose
-Agh!-
Where did all these wires come from?
How far up into my skull do they go
I pull out more and more copper spagetti

How'd my Weekly World News get all w wet?
God damn fishsticks melted again
What are they trying to do to me?
No secrets in the land of the free!

There
no one's gonna tell me what to do
It's worth eating baby food
The rest of my life
To be a free man
Bastards
Probably wouldn't understand me anyway